I use to think to myself, when I would be at church functions listening to a speaker tell their "story" or watching a documentary on someone telling their "story", 'that it is so neat to have a story like that. I don't have a story like that. Etc...' You know what I mean, like a life changing story. Well that all changed when Andrew was born. The day he was born, I remember laying in bed that night in the hospital and I actually thought to myself, 'Well I am about to starting living that "story" that I always said I didn't have.' I know that is a random thought to have, but I that is what I thought.
Probably the first 6 weeks after Andrew was born I think I cried every single day. I had all kinds of thoughts/emotions. I would get angry, then sad, then happy, then angry, etc... I will not tell you all the thoughts I had b/c some of you might think a little less of me. :) I have never been one to ever say "why me" but this was the exception case. I was asking why me all the time, but it was more of a I really want to know why I was chosen to have a child who is 1/500,000. I think there is a reason for everything that happens, but I wanted to know what that reason was.
I come back to work after 6 weeks off. Things start going back to normal as far as everyday life. Except for a few things I start to notice. As weeks begin to pass I realize that I have changed. I know this sounds crazy, but I start noticing it in everyday life. I don't care about certain things like I use to. It is almost like a peace came over me and I quit worrying about upcoming doctors apts, surgeries coming up, what others thought of me, anger towards others, just different things that don't matter. And honestly, I started to feel sorry for my friends/family who didn't "get it." I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean I really felt sorry for people when I would hear them say "we are so stressed because we just can't decide when our next beach trip is going to be" or "I am so stressed b/c we are having people over this weekend and I haven't cleaned my house" or "I am so stressed b/c we have all these trips planned and I don't have matching outfits for my kids." Like I said, I don't mean that ugly, I thought like that for 30 years. Folks let me just tell you, that stuff DOES.NOT.MATTER.PERIOD!
As the weeks keep passing by I continue to study and read and continue to try and figure out how to be at peace with the whole situation. And one day it hit me, that instead of having this pity party for myself and wondering why it couldn't have been so and so that had to deal with this, God chose me and Jud to be Andrew's parents and that was an honor. It is an honor that He trust us with this responsibility. Not everyone gets to have a child who is 1/500,000 and we should consider it an honor that God chose us. Now, He watches to see what we do with this responsibility.
Always remember, when life doesn't turn out the way we planned, God's just replacing who WE thought we'd be with who HE thought we'd be.
Happy Birthday to my little Andrew!! You have changed my life, and for that I am forever grateful.
